Years ago, our oldest son Scott and I attended a long weekend with the Landmark Education Forum. I was challenged to take up a personal issue that I was willing to share with a thousand or so people the next day. I couldn’t help but consider Alzheimer’s, the disease that had rocked our family.

I went home that night and wrote a letter to my mother, Edith Michelson. It was a letter I would share with the large group–and perhaps my dad at a later time. I would not share it with her. I could not. Alzheimer’s disease had stolen so much of her past and life baggage. I share the letter below, written I believe, in 2004.

Dear Mom,

I am writing a letter you will probably never see, so in many ways what I write is self-serving. Still, I will try to share its essence with you this next week when we see you and Dad for dinner.

As you may remember, Scott and I are attending the Landmark Education Forum this weekend and I had come with the vague intent of coalescing courage to make a critical business move. That turned out to be what we might call an “inauthentic” motive–or perhaps was just an excuse to buy the enrollment ticket for something more needed.

As it turns out, much more is at stake.

You see, I have thought little of business the last two days and have thought much about you and how your past is irrecoverably peeling away. I am pained to see the bright, smart and witty woman I have called “Mother” lost so much of her past and life baggage. I can handle you losing your way, your purse, your keys, your jewelry, your ability to think or converse in an abstract way. It becomes a little more painful when you can no longer recall who is dead, who is alive–or even what you had for breakfast. It is tough,  especially for Dad, to handle your terror over people around whom you believe to be taking your possessions and rearranging your world.

Those are the hard times.

The good times are when I realize how you have mostly condensed your concerns into the need to know that your children and grandchildren are all right–and that you love us all so much.

Mom, I have so many questions and so many fears about Alzheimer’s and your disease. But I would like to invent a possibility for you: What if you just so tired in life, and so over-burdened with responsibility, that you designed a dis-ease that would allow or force others who love you to pick up the burdens and obligations you shouldered for so many years>

Is this your way of taking the past out of your present and future so you are only burdened with the NOW?

Is it you who is taking responsibility for your needs–or is it we who failed to see what needed to be done?

And finally, I’m not sure you are aware that I, your most astute student, have taken up your same racket and work hours. What I would like to invent, though, is a second possibility that I can take the past out of my present and future–but still retrieve it as needed or desired.  And I can’t help but wonder: Is it too late to extend that same wish for you. Probably so, at least in this lifetime.

Alzheimer’s is a thief–not only of memories, but dreams as well.

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Alzheimers disease haunts our family. Could it have been prevented?

I sometimes stray from luxury homes and products under the guise of writing about quality of life. And one of the elements key to quality of life is the ability to recognize it when you have it.

We buried my mother last June, but we had lost her at least two years earlier. You see, my mother died of Alzheimers (we believe) long before she was pronounced dead of cancer and heart disease. With Alzheimers, we lost her wisdom, her outrageous sense of humor, her keen intelligence and finally, the ability to recognize the ones she so dearly loved.

It was a painful and protracted heartache for the entire family and was a disease that puzzled us all. Edith Michelson was a healthy woman, one who stayed mentally busy and for years had adhered to a heart-healthy diet–or so she believed. Missing were the precious oils our brains crave and thrive upon. But that’s another issue,

She even enjoyed occasional dancing, but was limited in movement because of multiple hip replacements. And because of this ailment that had been with her since late childhood, she was never able to engage in strenuous exercise.

This afternoon, Newsweek landed on my desk and I dropped everything upon reading the feature title: Exercise and the Brain: We know that working out is food for the body. But now research says it also makes us smarter and may help fight breast cancer and Alzheimers. Into the article, we learn that it is vigorous exercise that encourages the growth of new nerve cells.

And vigorous exercise was something my mother could not or did not know she could do because of hip and knee replacements.

This is a fascinating Newsweek article and the research could have far-reaching consequences. Most immediately, I am wondering what exercise questions are asked (on a larger scale) of those diagnosed with Alzheimers and other forms of dementia? The answers could lead everyone to become the active humans we were meant to be.

And as for me, a daily hourly dose of Yoga just may not be enough. I need to pump it up and get the heart moving!

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Hallmark, you’ve done it again.

All right. You must have known that I suffer from occasional bouts of bumbling wordlessness when:

• Someone confesses to being diagnosed with cancer.
• When infertile friends share they are considering adoption after years of infertility.
• A family friend shares his Alzheimers diagnosis.
• Our neighbors announce their divorce.
• My brother-in-law loses his job.
• Life surprises.

It appears Hallmark Cards is going to allow me my silence, and instead hand over one of their new Journeys of Life greeting cards that shares the pre=scripted words I would want to share if only I could. Hallmark has a collection of 176 cards that cover not only life’s trials and tragedies, but its celebrations as well. The four main themes these cards cover are hoping, coping, healing and joy. That covers a lot of life.

Hallmarks best line? Welcome to The New Normal!

Meanwhile, I’m still struggling to find normal or something close to it.

Note 04/21/2018. Shame on Hallmark. They no longer carry this line of cards, which I believe might have served a real purpose for those wordless occasions. Was it criticism or lack of sales that caused Hallmark to drop the cards?

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As dementia cases are on the rise nationwide, we find ourselves looking for causes and ways to possibly prevent this horrid disease. Could it be diet, a vasectomy, alcohol abuse or even cycicism?

Forgive me, but weekend mornings allow time to look over news and tidbits of interest. And sometimes these findings have absolutely nothing to do with real estate and luxury homes, but may have much to do with quality of life.

This morning’s strange discovery arose from a personal and abiding interest in brain research. You see, we lost my mother several years ago to both dementia and cancer–and she died last May. The questions of how and why and what could have/can be done to prevent and treat this crippler still haunts this daughter. Edith Michelson was a smart, beautiful and health-wise real estate broker, who would have rather been a fighter against the dementia disease instead of its victim.

This mornings startling discovery arrived from Cognitive Labs , which describes Northwestern University’s research into the connection. It appears that vasectomies are not directly related to Alzheimers, but rather to another form of male dementia.

Its an interesting read that results in some amusing commentary about going from shooting blanks to drawing blanks.

Note: And unfortunately the link to the article is no longer valid. But follow-up research shows that excessive alcohol use, sleep apnea, and cynicism are all linked to various sorts of dementia in humans.

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