We rarely write about stocks or the stock market, but this week ends with me wishing we had bought a boatload of shares in Sybase (SY) a week or so ago. With German software behometh SAP buying them out, the value of SY shares spiked about 60 percent.

Now, rumor mills in the tech world seem to be abuzz with likely takeover targets by the likes of IBM, Oracle, Microsoft and other huge, hungry and cash-rich companies–leaving us to wonder: Who’s next?

David Benoit with Dow Jones New Wire discussed this very issue in his well-written Speculation On Next Tech Buyout Kicks Into High Gear. In the article, he points out that big firms like IBM, Oracle (ORCL), Hewlett Packart (HPQ), Microsoft (MS), EMC and Cisco (CSCO) are all on the hunt for complementary takeovers. Potential targets and rising stars, Benoit says, might include Teradata (TDC), Netezza Corp (NZ) and Informatica Corp (INFA).

All have risen 2.6 to 5.1 percent in the last week.

My personal favorite target for a big company seeking to dominate the database market might be ANTS Software, with its ANTS Compatibility Server (ACS)–which allows businesses to consolidate and migrate varied and costly databases over to one vendor (say from SAP to Oracle) without having to reprogram costly applications.It’s disruptive and patented technology just might facilitate businesses merging and consolidating database information from the likes of Oracle to IBM–or SAP to Oracle–or MS to IBM.

You get the idea–and why ANTS might make such a strategic buy for IBM, MS, Oracle, Hewlett Packard, SAP or other big database vendor. And that speculation might also explain why shares in this little company have gone from .80 per share a month ago to $2.40 as of this writing.

And by way of disclosure, we DO own shares of ANTS and had once speculated the company would be a stand alone utility in the world of database management. More recently, though, we are beginning to wonder if ANTS might instead become a red-hot takeover target–and follow CEO Joe Kozak’s blog closely.

That is the luxury of speculation mixed with just a little knowledge.

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Call this a geeky rant. Call it a blonde tirade. Call it what you want, but I just don’t know what to do about diverse databases.

I think I have them coming out the Wazoo.

If you came here seeking luxury news, you may want to click away and come back tomorrow. Right now, I am trying to sort out a database problem that honestly keeps me awake at night.

You see, I have been collecting names, addresses, email addresses and property preferences from people for centuries. And if there were a way my databases of information could talk to each other, I could be the supreme Yentl of real estate in Southern California–or the whole world.

My problem? SOAR Solutions, which for years reliably sent property information to hundreds of clients, was sold to HouseValues, who ostensibly does the same thing but charges a king’s ransom to do so. At the same time, clients who signed into SearchPoint with my ancient Realigent site, are listed there and are also receiving property updates from me.

Then there was Top Producer, which held all the contact information for existing clients–along with their birthdays and wine preferences. And now I have an account with 1ParkPlace, which also sends out listing information to clients and maintains another database.

The real problem?

None of these databases talk to one another–and I think it’s a deliberate conspiracy, HouseValues will release only the client’s name, address, telephone and email address. Forget about search parameters. They hold that information hostage and continue to charge me out the yingyang for the privilege of doing so. I would like to migrate this information to 1ParkPlace, but no can do.

Guess those tasks will have to be done one by one, keystroke by keystroke.

Then there’s the database sitting over at Realigent that is fully 8 years old. Many of these searchers have been with me since the last century. Those, too, will have to be migrated one by one, keystroke by keystroke.

The problem could probably be solved if I were an enterprise level business doing gazillions of transactions per day. If that were the case, I would just call the database gurus at ANTs Software and they could use their cool plugin and make databases like Oracle, IBM, Sybase and Microsoft relate, talk and migrate to one or the other. The Ants Compatibility Server (ACS), fortunately and unfortunately, is whiz bang technology for the big guys and ANTs will probably rule the world of databases some day, but are of little help to me now.

In the meantime, I think someone could make a modest royal ransom if they could solve the Realtor’s dilemma with databases and set us free from those vendors who hold us hostage. If software could be written that would encompass not only basic information, but also our real estate client’s search parameters and wine preferences, the world’s real estate crisis might be solved.

And just for grins, remember this classic Super Bowl 2000 Commercial?

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